A letter to my boy on his 14th Birthday

My dear baby,

I know you are going to hate me for this and you will probably say, why Mumma, why did you have to write this on the blog, and I can already imagine the eye roll, but this way it stays somewhere forever, tucked away in a corner of the internet for you to find someday when you are older, and hopefully when Baba and I are long gone, you will still remember to pay for the domain space

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes thinking about how quickly my baby boy is growing up and I know it is annoying how emotional I get when it comes to you and Brishti, but what to do? I am like that only. 

I was remembering the day you were born, and I realised that I remember almost every second of that time, the months when you were inside my tummy, where you kicked and how hard you kicked, and that one terrifying day when you stayed so quiet for more than twelve hours that both Baba and I were completely panicked and rushed to the hospital to get a sonography, only to find out that you decided to be lazy and slept through without moving. 

I remember the day we went to the hospital, it was Holi, and the next morning into the the OT, Dr Piya bringing you out of my tummy while Baba sat beside me, holding my hands, and both of us were crying without even trying to stop ourselves, and Jemsy aunty already instructing the nurses to bring clothes meant for a six month old baby because you were such a big baby. 

Back in the room we were so ridiculously happy that even though I had been told to rest and sleep after the surgery, I simply could not sleep because I just wanted to hold you in my arms and stare at you, your red round cheeks, that crown full of curly hair, your tiny fingers wrapping themselves around mine. The nurse would put you on my chest and you would try to raise your head up to see the world- you had a strong neck from birth (read- determination). 

It was the first time in my life that I understood a kind of love I had never known before, something fierce and soft at the same time, something that made the whole world suddenly feel both terrifying and beautiful. Every time the nurses took you away to the nursery they expected me to sleep but the excitement of becoming a mother was so overwhelming that I would lie there wide awake, imagining the life ahead of you, imagining you growing up into a tall handsome boy with curly hair, with a back pack, rushing out for college. 

And every morning from six o clock Baba and I would sit up waiting eagerly for the sound of the wheels of that nursery trolley coming down the corridor and then your little cry because you were hungry and ready to come back to us. 

Now, suddenly you are here at fourteen standing right in the middle of what is probably the most confusing and exciting phase of your life and believe me when I say I understand more than you think I do. You hate studying and I get that. You hate being told what to do and I get that too. And I see you even when you think we do not understand you, I hear the things you say and also the things you do not say. 

This is the time when you are slowly becoming your own person, forming your own opinions, arguing with us, questioning everything we say, pushing against boundaries and discovering the person you are going to become. And strangely enough, I love watching this happen. 

Deep inside my heart I know you will find your way and live up to the potential that we see in you whether in academics or in something completely different that you discover later in life. You will make mistakes, sometimes big ones, sometimes silly ones, sometimes the kind that hurt, but that is also how life teaches us the things nobody else can. But know that Baba and I are always there walking beside you even when it feels like we are standing in your way. 

You are not that curly-haired boy I imagined anymore because the curls disappeared right after your first hair cut, but tall you are, and more importantly, you are already a kind and gentle soul and that matters more to me than anything else in the world. All I want from you is to grow up to be a good human being, someone who is thoughtful and compassionate, someone who loves his sister and stands beside her, someone who remains the responsible brother you have always been, and someone who learns to love himself too. 

And if someday life becomes confusing or heavy or lonely, I hope you will remember that there are two people in this world who loved you from the very first second they saw you and who will always be quietly cheering for you. 

Love you my darling child

Have a beautiful fourteenth birthday!!

Mumma

And this is Baba adding (of course, he was getting fomo)- Tulzi, babzy, murnus, tulla, harry brooks, jaddu bhai, pandya, tugga tobin.